I Cheated on You

 

Words that burn a hole in your stomach.

Words that make you physically sick. 

Words that make you feel like a waste.

You were intimate with this person - emotionally and physically. They touched you with their hands and their lips and their words. They made you feel insanely special, unique, and LOVED. This person is someone you trusted with your heart and they thought it would be fine to be careless with it, for a night, or two or three, whatever. 

Cheating means there's a subconscious disconnect. Cheating means there's resentment. Cheating means there's a lack of appreciation. Cheating means there's ignorance. Cheating means there's loneliness. Cheating means there's anger. Cheating means there's sadness. Cheating means there are needs that aren't being met. Cheating means you want out (whether you know it or not).

If you stay are you saying its okay?

We're not careful with feelings anymore. We don't completely value one another. We don't really listen. We are consumed by work and social plans and people and things that play a small role in what should be making up our days - GENUINE ATTENTION TO ONE ANOTHER. 

SELF WORTH should be just as sacred as marriage vows. Although unfortunately we live in a world where it seems those hold zero value. We live in world where HAVING FUN takes priority, and doing what makes you happy means it's fine. We live in a world where people go to sex parties and have open relationships and marriages. #yolo. How is our thought supposed to stay pure and focused when this reality surrounds us? Cheating is demeaning - no matter the circumstance. Whether you "meant to" or were "f*cked up" or not, you selfishly made the other person feel UNWORTHY of everything you built together - love, trust, happiness. Not cool.

FYI aunt Barb and uncle Stan who just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary didn't have social media. They didn't have distractions. They also didn't have multiple sexual partners throughout high school and college I bet, so they weren't tempted by thinking "what if".  Their FOCUS was most likely on family and work. So, when a relationship came along, they had three things in life to maintain - not tinder, not drugs and alcohol, not which music festival they were attending next, not an insane trip to Vegas with the boys, not mom and dad's f*cked up divorce. Just a simple life revolving around basic wants and needs. The Notebook basically sums its up. That's why us gals freak out over that movie - something so realistic yet unattainable. Call it "old school" but in a high functioning, genuinely happy relationship, you put each others feelings first and nothing gets in the way of maintaining your love for one another. This is called RESPECT, and if this isn't happening chances are one of you isn't happy.

Nothing good happens after midnight BTW - especially if drinking is involved. I'm not saying people only cheat at night, but if your focus is on going out and having "fun" until 4am over what's going to make your relationship better/ stronger, it's going to fail. THIS DOES NOT MEAN you are sacrificing social plans for the other person. I hate that word. Sacrifice means one person is GIVING UP something and healthy and happy relationships are NOT about that. NO TIT FOR TAT. They are about equal selflessness. They are about equal compromise. They are about mutual understandings about situations, people, and environments, and how all of those things affect your life TOGETHER. 

"IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME". But actually. The person who cheats is unhappy. The person who cheats is battling things mentally. The person who cheats is weak. This person can't say no to temptation. This person struggles with boundaries. This person has a habit of doing things regardless of the consequence. This person is too much in their own head. This person has a fictional reality where they wish to escape. This person has a lack of respect for them self. 

Did you deserve it? 

No. Never allow someone else's actions to cause unsettlement or self doubt. For the things they do are only a reflection of their inner chaos. But, if you were emotionally or physically abusive towards someone, don't be surprised when they seek comfort elsewhere. Sorry but the human mind is not built to be messed with or pushed like that. TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER or leave.

Although this seems personal, like you did something wrong and steered them away - it's not. It's only personal for them because they are unhappy (whether it be from the relationship or not), they chose to act on their feelings in the wrong way. GETTING OUT seems hard, but it's actually easy. One of the only times in life it's good to be selfish, is in relationships (in the right ways) - like if it's going to benefit your mental health, rip the bandaid, and gtfo.

Regardless of the situation, handle it lovingly and gracefully. Don't be spiteful and bitter. See that there is always room for improvement and change. Lead by example and execute the golden rule always. Whatever you do, DO NOT turn to hate, it only hurts you. 

The cure for all hurtful things is LOVE. It is the only way to overcome, move on, find peace, and grow. This life we have is special, use it for good.